Wednesday, May 23, 2007

It Doesn't Take Much

"Warm Arabian Knight" ACEO can be bid on here.
Copyright Rita Woodburne

"A Babe from Boston" ACEO can be bid on here.
Copyright Rita Woodburne

Seeing as this is a short week, dear reader, I’m going to indulge myself in a bit of frivolity this time ‘round rather than get into anything artsy. Don’t hyperventilate, though, there’s still going to be a gardening post tomorrow...let’s not get too crazy now.

Although most people, including yours truly, have a distinct distaste for telemarketers there are times when it’s important to remember that these are folks that are just trying to make a buck and get ahead in this crazy world. More importantly they’re slaving away at a job that they’d probably rather not have. So, from time to time, I like to have fun with them and hopefully bring a smile to their otherwise hum-drum and dreary day. It’s something you can do too, so without further ado and in the spirit of cheering up people I present to you:

Ways to Have Fun With Telemarketers

- When they call to sell you life insurance tell them you don’t have a life.

- When they call and start prattling on endlessly interrupt them by saying something along the lines of: “Did you hear that?” Then pause dramatically and yell into the phone: “The voices!!” and hang up.

- If they ask you the question: “Can I interest you in (insert your useless product of choice)?” Respond by saying: “No, but can I buy any children you may have?”

- If you choose to listen to their sales pitch and wait until they come up for air, take that pause in the conversation to start your own. For instance, start your conversation by saying something intriguing like “That sounds really interesting but I’d like to tell you about the big poop my dog/ cat/ horse/ parakeet, etc. took this morning. It started like this...” and continue from there.

- If they call to sell you some type of cell phone service with “unlimited range, great reception, blah, blah, blah...” tell them that although it sounds very tempting, you already get pretty good reception from the Mothership.

- If you’re fortunate to be constantly mistaken for a teen-ager over the phone (like myself), when a telemarketer calls and asks to speak with your parents adopt a really twangy Southern accent and say: “I’m sorry, they’re not here, but you can speak to my Uncle-Grandpa if ya’ like.”

It doesn’t take much to make one person’s day a little bit brighter.


Jennifer Rose said...

All very amusing things to do to telemarketers, speaking in tongues is another good one, or pretending they interrupted a personal moment with someone else,(why people pick up the phone during those moments I have no idea).

Not supposed to get telemarketers phoning here, but when they do the can't seem to understand me, people says its the Canadian accent...(didn't realize I had one)

Rita said...

Maybe they pick up during those "special moments" because they're hoping it's someone more interesting?

Canadian accent, eh? Someone once told me I had an Ontario accent...what the heck is an Ontario accent??